There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You're a disaster
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