oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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