when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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