There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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