Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
