you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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