They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
