I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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