so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
