Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Panties = found
Randomize
