i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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