Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
