Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
