There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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