You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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