no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
