he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
