you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
