can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Every concussion has its silver lining
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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