Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
