Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Randomize
