You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
