I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
