he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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