i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
