If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
