I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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