oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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