He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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