Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
