told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
