Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
