I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
