tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
is it fun? or sober?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
