Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
