And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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