I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
