1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
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