just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
