Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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