Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
