walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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