the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
