I haven't been this sober since birth.
Acid is not a monday night drug
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
