I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
