I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
