Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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