I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
