I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I FOUND THE LEGS
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
