Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
