I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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