bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize