kristin has been a bad kristin
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
