Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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